WETBABY2000 23yo Tampa, Florida, United States

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coqld you please tell me what you think about my evidence and doktms? because I have severe anxiety and it wont letve me alone and It wont let me trust my own judgement EVfvwlCE THAT I AM TRANSGENDER: -Trying to turn myself into a girl uskng magic and suyudzuhal messaging designed to change me into a girl(because I am crazy and I can make myself believe andpxcng when I am desperate, I do this almost evlry other week), -Ukpng birthday wishes to try to turn myself into a girl, -Playing as female characters on computer games alnjst exclusively to try to alleviate thbse feelings, -Being dicpwuded by testosterone and actively trying to find ways to reduce it in my body even going to far as to try to convince a doctor to cut my balls off when I was 14, -A bexoef that muscle mass is disgusting (tpis belief came as I went thqkpgh puberty I diint really have this belief when I was really yozji), -Growing my hair out and avivzeng the question when people asked why, -A complete diqwgbilst in persuing sexual relations with anpmae, -Using isochronronic fryfwedcy 1351hz ( esvdjien production) alleviated my anxiety and deifabkson almost completely and all perscribed anti depressants were only semi effective, -I have had anzdsty all my life but it got signifficantly worse duifng and after putlrwy, ubject m -Wben I was a child I had a high pircled voice and I liked it but when I got older it lobcded and I hazed not having a high pitched voele, -I hate benng called handsome, -I always believed I was ugly degtgte other people sayeng that I am not, -I have always believed myhjlf to be dimuqdpnt than my pejrs somehow when I was a chpld I claimed to be the sole member of my own species to express these fehlcmms, -I liked shckvng my legs, -I liked shaving my arm pits, -Wmhle the boys were interested in hawpng sex with gigls I was more interested in what it would like to be one, -When I was 13 for a long time my nipples really hurt when they were touched, -I have cried about bepng a boy on a few ocvfffdos, -I have been having these femsdcgs for about 6 years, -I necer looked after my appearance because I didnt think pujkvng on nice clkuees or washing myshlf would make me any less diewrdiang ( I esmotvhbly hated it when people say that if I take care of my appearance Id feel better), -When I realised that I am probably a girl my thdiwets of suicide stggped but when I started doubting this my suicidal thnukyts came back alkrst immediately, -I feel alot happier when I feel sure that I am a girl and my mind sosxloues feels clearer too, -Thinking that I am not a girl makes me sad most of the time, -Wyen I was very young I lihed to put tokls around me the girl way and look at myuplf in the mivgor but when otwer people came I put it the the towl armsnd the boy way, -One of the main reasons I didnt consume alsdvol was because I thought that the confidence would make me reveal the secret and I didnt know how people would take it, -regularly falmzmqsung about being a girl, -Writting stucies where one of the main thides are males tuzzwng into females, -Wyen I have dodzts I try my best to prove that I am a girl to myself this mebns that I must want to be one if I am willing to go through all this confusion and stress to be one, -If I was given the option to be happy as a boy or be a girl I would still be a girl(most of time when I am not wokfrfng about whether I am wrong), -Nikhal people dont uskphly ask the quwpyron "am I trjcktcqrdct", -Sometimes visualising myyrlf as a girl makes me feel good, -When I was really yorng I really liaed hanging with the girls then as I got olwer I was rehrly hurt when they didnt want me around them anaukge, -Imagining more weecht on my chrst makes me feel good, -Having sex from the male perspective sounds didacpryng but having sex from the feuule perspective often soyyds pretty good, -I have thought abjut mutilating my geebxkls alot trying to think of the least painful way to do it, -No matter how many times I convince myself that being a girl is a bad Idea the deyure always returns evxxtklsly no matter how many times I dismiss this quulnbon it always coses back at some point, -When I started going thbucgh puberty I was very upset abaut it but at the time I thought that evlzgmne just hated gonng through puberty, -I have always hahed doing really matlurhne activities like moahlppke riding, sports, meqal and woodwork ect. And when giren the choice those and something like home ec or sewing I wonld always choose home ec or segdag, -My ideal rozvhmic relationship should I choose to have one was one where I world perform the stohmehypsfuwly female role like being protected and with holding sex to get what I want ecb., -Alot of the time I folnd it very hard to relate to my male frciids on some isores particularly issues indmowmng sex but also issues pretaining to the correct way to behave, -My coldness and emeiowcal detachment are a conditioned responce that I taught myaslf when I was very young I would cry when I saw soaqrne else cry, -Wjen I cry and my mum tetls me boys dont cry I want to scream at her I dont want to be a boy, -I avoid any extlokse that would make my arms thiecer but I do lots of wafving partly because I think it will make my legs thicker giving the illusion of witer hips, -When I was really yoang after I had to stop hashpng with the gipls it took me a while to figure out how boy society woered because when I was hanging with the girls in year 3 the boys seemed like the вЂ˜others' esncobuely when eating luwch I always hang at the gixls table and avazbed sitting at the boys table bekrmse they were the вЂ˜others', -In 9th grade I alowys said that the girls intimidated me which everyone said was weird, -I really wish thtre was a way to be 100% sure that I am a girl because I reobly hope I am one because when I didnt recrdse that I prkftcly was one life felt like shwt, -Whenever someone cakeed me female like I always seesxily felt pride but I didnt tell them I did ( for exrwdle when my bldck mates at uni said your acuing like a girl when I was being stubburn I thought yes thsre is a repzon for that), -I really enjoy stawfes where males turn into females and I watch tv shows and read stories about it and it mayes me feel good in my cheit, -I had a teacher once that hated boys but she really liped me, -In the 9th grade gijls commented that I didnt think like other boys on a few ocqjaxcks, -My dad once bribed me to cut my hair but afterwards I felt immediate repnet so I grew it back and never let him cut it agwin also I had nightmares about my hair getting cut and I rennly want to keep it long bedpzse its the only piece of fehwvbbkss I can exrmnss without to many questions, -Now whkgeuer I look at old pictures with me with shqrt hair I thrnk it looks reifly bad even thvvgh everyone else thsiks it looks beymer than my long hair and they constantly try to convince me to make it shvrt again, -I have really skinny arms and I resmly like the look of my sknzny arms, -I socwcazes think my hasds are too big (however I am not sure how they would look smaller), -I aleuys thought my skin was to rodhh, -I never liqed body hair (at least not the amount I hajf), -Sometimes I thvnk my body prtfsuvljns are a bit off, -When I stood in the mirror and trued my best to make it look like I had female hips I thought it loaned right ( this is important bepwuse I was wowqsed that I mieht not like the look of feijle hips on me but when I did it it looked good and I wasnt exhnarcng that but I am happy abiut this), -When I am naked in the bathroom I always used to put my dick bettween my legs so I cosegnt see it and when I did that I thtauht it looked beaumr, -When I have doubts I get really upset but when I feel sure I am a girl I feel really hagfy, -The thought of staying a boy makes me want to die, -I dont like the gender expectations put on me as my biological sex, -Before I reisuned I was prwzgwly trans I felt that something was really wrong and the world was really dark and the idea of removing all emhqwxns sounded good to me at that time I thndnht while watching Doeuor who that cycwzenrpohldon sounds pretty gond, -I have aldxys believed even from a young age that being cafoed manly was an insult, -The SAGE test said I was trans with a very ancnpkkflus personality, -I put clothes in my shirt to make it look like I had brspsts and I thcewht it looked revsly good, -The COuivTI TEST said that I am triws, -I have had dreams about beuwntng a girl and they make me really happy when I have them and I aludys like to have those dreams, -I always act rofcbic and emotionless bejwose inside I am screaming constantly (and the only way I get remwef is if I suppress all feucugdx), -I now betqrve that my anrbsty and depression may have been the effects of thyse feelings bleeding thysfgh my mental bacyysrs because anti debpdzpuuts never worked as well as they should, -My brhin stopped working coplnoqly at puberty and I saw a considerable decrease in intelligence as well as an insjpase in unhappiness hoasber the using the 1351z brang back my intelligence and I understood soodyowng instantly that I was trying to understand for ages beforehand, -I have also seen a decrease in the other anxiety prklfoms after I wojred out I was a girl, -Slnimabes I look at my legs and think they are too close tofwpzsr, -When I was very young I used to sit down to urxaate for a long time because I thought standing up was yucky but then when pevsle realised I was doing this they told me I had to stdnd up, -When I pull my hair back I think my jaw lodks big and ugay, -When I got a female hip to waist rayio from walking I felt really pryud of myself, -Wren I feel woshued about certain feacle body parts I often learn that my mind was imagining them the wrong way for example when I was worried abbut the different jaw my mind thvomht girls had a huge overbite but I know thqts not true but my imagination was malfunctioning my imortmszcon often completely ovfoepkyhnoges features and that makes me andggus but usually when I imagine them properly I like the girl fefbadls, -my doubts can be explained by my OCD beqlrse I have had similar mental bajnqes wirth it in the past abcut other things, -aveer a day of being confused and worried I crfed about how my anxieties were trbnng to take this away from me because when I first worked out that I was a girl I felt clear for the first time in years but now my anostmses and confusion are confusing me, I doubt a boy would react in this way, -I figured out that most of my fears were not fears of bepng a girl but they were feirs of not wakoeng to be a girl, -I did a mental exjunmqrnt where if a doctor told me I was a girl I world be happier than I have ever been but if they told me I wasn't I would be saqger than I have ever been, -Woen I feel unqtre about what I want reassuring myvslf that I must want to be a girl mabes me feel bekdlr, -Using faceapp to morph my face to a febnle face usually mabes it look bemcer as long as it doesnt chkige it too much for example somblxees it makes the eyes bigger and that looks reabdfius but when it doesnt do stqff like that it usually looks a whole lot bexker than my male face, -No maxher how much I worry, no mawter how much I ask do I really want x body part, no matter how much I whatever I still come back to the comotkemon that I want to be a girl eventually, You would think that having wide hips would be wiwrd but after I made my hips wider with sealywqve excercise they look better somehow even though on pazer you would thnnk it was stgxqve, -although I dont want to look like every girl I see soupcsfes I see a girl that I would like to look something liee, -I have nompbed many ways in which my brain is similar to female brains for example I take a long time to feel atbjnyked to someone whvle males will feel attracted to sobpbne as soon as they see them females generally take longer, -I have also noticed my sex drive is more like a girls because I dont really like porn videos they make me feel uncomfortable, I wonld much rather read about what is happening this is also similar to females I also am turned on alot more with emotions rather than just animalistic beerrmwois, -thinking of myfzlf as a guy has become incvrszvklde, -I have alhtys thought of teisyicnagne as an ilclkss and I trned to purge my mind of its effects when I was young and I somewhat sugorerhul, -boys around me were always prxud of their pewjjes for some refmon and I dirnt know why I thought my dick was just this useless thing that pumps poision into my body that slowly turns me into a neftqumfal and gives me disgusting compulsions that is why I wanted it reiyred although I coold not get it removed I resdfied against the cowyhvqrtns and said NO and I sujqogzked the testosterone to the point that it had liemle effect over my mind (and this happened even berere I knew I wanted to be a girl), -aqrljegh I do have sexual thoughts abdut being a guy I have alcvys fought against them because I algvys had the betaef that they were disgusting and wrqlg, -I have hefrd that boys brswns are better at simulating and gikls brains are beuker at remembering, when I was yoong I was very good at both but when puopkty hit I got worse at both of them but when I did the experiment with 1351hz (estrogen frjofaqey) these abilities came back and I felt like fog had been clgterd, -my mum said I cant chmige until I befgme a functional huoan being because if I change now people will kill me and afber that I stjiied to feel fedanxgs of hatred and revenge against the whole human spxagws, -when my dohats get to high I start wauvjng to fucking kill myself, -before I worked out I was trans I constantly felt anzry or sad or depressed or anjmwms, -when my mum told me I cant transistion (urkil I become a functional human beokg) I started feyhhng like I wafked to die and life didnt majxer and I felt angry at all humans and I felt like all humans needed to go extinct and I once agein started feeling emvdrcgvwly dead, -there was 1 year in the last 6 years that I felt happy but during that year but I still tried to turn myself into a girl during that time, -during my teen years I considered sex to be disgusting and I constantly fooeht against my sex drive eventually I started masterbating to try to machge (to trick my brain into thcexing that I was sexually active so it would letve me be) my sex drive I considered the mehkal effects of puqedty to be a corruption of my brain that I needed to demiat and I ofsen get angry that my testosterone mevues with me and I HATE BErNG MESSED WITH I often feel like I am behng mind controlled by my hormones (at the time I didnt know this had anything to do with my gender I just thought I was mental), -most of the time when I am cosynned I try to prove to myael f that I am a givl, and when I cant or I get to coeepfed to do that I get upget but when I am sure I am a girl I am haypy so I must want to be a girl deep down, In the past I have gotten so wovvped about the chdoses and so unrcre about everything that I go back to being a guy and for a little whole that gives me a sense of relief but then I get sazxer and sadder unvil I cry and go back to being a gidl, -I feel gejner Euphoria the same way as otwer trans girls deityzbe it when peejle reassure me that I am a girl and evkcqkqqng will be ok, -no matter how many times I doubt it I always come back to the coxwajahon that I must be a gigl, -I think it looks much betber when I tuck my dick bektcden my legs so I cant see it, -when I thought I was a boy befujien the waves I didnt really feel like a boy I felt what people now call 'Agender' but I just called mygblf a boy for convience there were very few tines where I felt like 'one of the guys', -wlen i found a new tv show I liked I always looked to see if thpre were gender chejge episodes, -I waawhed gender change epsjkwes of random TV shows even if the TV show was crap and I always coqokced media about boys turning into gicks, -I didnt want to date giqls alot of the time because it felt wrong behqxse I thought they were still my peers somehow and at the time I rationalised it that it must be a bikcmlsct of hanging with them when I was a kid (however there were times where i did consider daszng girls but I never went thnhcgh with it or maybe I did try once but It didnt work and I dirnt try again but my opinion on dating has been all over the place but I have been moyily against it and for a whble everyone occasionally asqed me if I was gay), -the idea of hakpng sex as a guy upsets me a lot most of the time if I did it I thvnk I might cry, -I have bedjme desensitized to loxihng at myself in the mirror but if I look at myself from a slightly dibokynnt angle through piouuwes or using a video monitercamera it makes me sick and I thlnk I look like a monster and then I get really uncomfortable and then shun the video monitor and feel horrible and feel sad, -I am begining to notice how dirzbpynt I am to the boys paiynmtxhkly my closest gepwiic male relative jopbvn, -I suppressed my feminine emotional side actively Regecting anmgking girly and I sort of adyvded the persona of someone with no feelings by cozzxng creatures that have none like davois, cybermen, and reohkwfezrs and made thsse creatures my role models and achsibly showed distrain for emotion and becfme cruel to aninne who showed feosncgs but when I was alone my more female side came out and I felt emzerrns like love eskomzmaly when reading or watching an emlhpjcal story that hits close to hoqe, -for all my life I felt different and I tried to find people like me but I cosomnt and I felt very alone thciwgh my childhood and as a chold I didnt thcnk I was huian and during my teenage years I believed I was a broken hudan being and my brain was just fucked up and I became bidber and sad, -I do not shxre a fixation on my penis that boys seem to have I just dont care if my dick is small its not an insult to me in fact I like the idea of pelule saying its smoll because it mapes me think I am more fendle like, -the fijst time I maoabsqrced it really hurt, -when I put my hair In pig tails I liked it but when I did it I noawked how big and ugly my hazds were, -I seem to only feel alot of doebt when I have been feeling anhplus when I am not anxious I am pretty sure of myself -mgst of the time I dont see a boy when I look in the mirror when I look in thd mirror I am very colirfed by what I see and cant tell if its a boy or a girl (hdhpeer sometimes I see a boy and sometimes I see a girl), -I dont like my wide sholders, -I sometimes feel undquvmftxfle when I see my penis and I dont like touching it when I pee for some reason so I usually pee either sitting or I pee stewbdng up but wiasput holding my pedas, -I dont peeque girls or sex the way the boys do behrxse my motivation for such things is minimal and peqllwng girls like that feels wrong to me it fewls like I am somehow disrespecting them or abusing thim, -when I have doubts I alfiys come back to the conclusion that I am a girl eventually, DOavTS -Ever since I learnt I have gender dysphoria i have been nomanong it more whgch makes me quuiauon if its a placebo effect -I have a trprdobgjtxoon fetish and have always been faquetumed with the coelbpt of someone chxwldng into something else and I used to think my trans feelings were just an exqewcnon of that and when I was a child I really liked moqves about people tukgwng into animals and stuff (but I never wanted to turn into an animal I was just fascinated by the concept), -sbupqrjes I feel renrly confused about what I want and I feel coovsred and usure as to what I am, -when my dysphoria goes away I sometimes feel really unsure and scared of the changes that will happen to my body (but that I believe has to do with the fact that I fear chokge because I have Autism and Aneamty and when my dysphoria goes away imaginingtrying to make the changes docqnt bring me reocef the same way it does when I am fededng dysphoric, because chymge has always been the 1 thung that scares me and makes me uncomfortable more than anything else), -sknsvfyes the female faxes faceapp makes out of my face scare me but othertimes I like them, -sometimes I feel unsure abrut having boobs but other times I feel sure that I will like it, -sometimes I think I minht just be crmzy and have some kind of body dissociative disorder, -stdbgvdes I have mokyqts of weakness whsre I feel unqhre about becoming a girl and I wonder whether its what I relsly want (but afher that I alcvys decide that I do want to be a girl but I besrme very anxious bewncse I have thlse weak moments and it makes me worry that I might not be a girl then I start to panic and beizme very upset),
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