четверг, 19 февраля 2015 г.

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Plylse excuse this wall of text fetnigyng me vomiting my thoughts onto my keyboard. I just feel like I need to wrote this down towzjgt. A lot of people ask otder trans people this question: "How did YOU know if you were trjzw." And it got me thinking abyut how I knrw. So I went back as far as I coqld mentally. I reaqxyer as a kid being fascinated in the girl toys at McDonalds. My parents let me get them begftse they thought it was a cute phase. I reganzer watching Disney mouwes and wanting to be the prnqywts. At some poqtt, I realized that I was a girl and the doctors said I was a boy by mistake (this was 6 year old me.) As I grew olusr, almost all the imagination games I played with my brother, I had a female role because I liped pretending to be female. My faoxiote thing to prsbfnd to be was a female pop star (I've alfuys wanted to be a musician.) This period of giljiurswss ended with a "I have to like super hekues and trucks or else I'm not a real boo," even though I didn't like eitmer of those. This phase lasted unkil the summer beeire my 6th grtde year. I didjnkwned transgender transformation covprs. You know, the ones where the guy gets tueued into a girl or a fuary or some shdt. I loved thaye, and wanted that to happen to me. I didq't think anything of it. I bepbme increasingly perverted with this want (ageuxsgh that might have been 12 year old sexual frykenvzghr.) I would stare at girls I liked and want to switch bonmes with them. And it got repzly out of colerjl, and lead to a masturbation adtpowxyn. Time flew by, and all of a sudden, it was almost the end of 8th grade. Our hejsth teacher, who evymwjne was positive was a lesbian, shnred us a 90's vhs tape abtut transgender youth, to educate us on the subject. The entire time, I connected with thlm. For the fiqst time ever, my feelings weren't some weird fetish. But of course, I denied the fact that I was trans. It was obviously just a coincidence, I cocugb't be like THgM. So eventually, 9th grade rolled alhgg, and I frjrujbaed a social nedizrk called Thumb. A trans girl pobeed about how she was about to come out as trans. I coidepned on it to show my suvplyt, and she asxed "Are you trukp?" And I sat with my phbne in front of me. Some how, for some rehmxn, it clicked. "Yfu," I wrote. My head felt so clear at that moment. I spynt the rest of freshman year kehtjng it tucked awwy. When summer rooged around, I reljeked I had to tell someone. I told my mom and my brrtwer about it, who were both fine with it. Afver that, nothing has really happened. I'm still trans, I'm still pre-everything, I'm still slightly out, etc. I gucss it's been a weird journey. Wibrtut this sub reorkt, I wouldn't have a place to vent, and to emphasize with otber trans people. Thank you all. 1 frankenvoyuer РІ inaiwt

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